Sorry! I'm Not Sorry...

For years, I worried that I wasn't in the same league as men I wanted to attract, or be with.  Then I stopped worrying.  I focused on becoming the best "me" that I could be; I began growing, changing, and along the way, I accumulated real value.  Now, I don't worry about being out of anyone's league.  Now, my question is, "Why are there SO few guys in MY league?"    

When you start living life on your own terms and stop settling for other things in your life, you stop settling on people, too.  Don't settle; find someone deserving of you.

I’m sorry…

When you spend much of your time alone, you do an immeasurable amount of thinking and self-reflecting, which is a good thing; those who need it most, never seem to.  I’ve done more than my fair share, and have become almost hyper-self-aware of myself…flaws, attributes, all of it.  It’s made me a stronger, more confident person.  That awareness has also brought to me a serenity and feeling of inner peace I’ve never had…it’s like life’s own looking glass.  I know exactly who I am, exactly what I want, and need, and I know the difference between the two.  I also know what I don’t want, and need.  I’ve become my own best friend and strongest advocate.  Although I have no reason to apologize for ANY of this, I’m still going to say “I’m sorry…”

I’m sorry if, at this point in my life, I have found myself in a league most men are not in, and most likely never will be.  If I have strived for, and become more than most, so be it; we all have the same chance to reach for and try to achieve something above what we think possible.  If others can’t or won’t do that, it’s on them, not me.  

I’m sorry that I’m in touch with my feelings and emotions.  Granted, it comes easier for me than it does for some, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my own scars, wounds, and traumas; I just chose to face and overcome them so I have a lot less emotional baggage dragging behind me when I do meet someone worthy.  Relationships and love are difficult enough as it is at times…entering one with unsorted baggage only makes you an anchor of your own body’s weight.  I refuse to be anyone’s anchor, unless it’s in a healthy, “we have each other’s strength” kind of way, and I sure as hell won’t be weighed down by anyone else; I fought too hard to get, and keep my head above water.

I’m sorry if I may be intimidating because I’m so self-aware and grounded and my strengths expose the weaknesses of others.  I still have weaknesses too…lots of them, but my determination to face them is greater than my fear of them, so I have little time or patience for others who refuse to.  Oops…sorry.

I’m sorry that my standards are high.  What kind of value would I have if they were low, and why the fuck would anyone want to be with someone who didn’t have high standards?  I want to soar through life, not merely coast by with minimal effort.  

I’m sorry if I seek an abundance of love and passion…but isn’t that what we all should be seeking?  Who wants just half-assed, surface feelings?  I’ve waited too long, it’s what I deserve, and everything I do in my life is done with passion; I will have it in love too, or have no love at all.  On this especially, I reject any compromise.  Come full on, guns blazing and passion burning, or step aside and let someone else do it instead.  Just because I require very little from someone doesn’t mean I deserve the bare minimum when it comes to effort, attention, affection, and especially love.

I’m sorry that my refusing to compromise who I am could mean that I may never find someone, but I made peace with that a long time ago and I’m not sorry for the decision itself.  It’s not my wish to be alone, but I’ve settled before, and I was more alone with someone lying next to me than I have ever felt when I’m in bed by myself.  

Above all else, I’m sorry that I spent years apologizing to the wrong people for the wrong things instead of apologizing to myself for allowing it to happen.  

No more apologies.