Lost Souls - Excerpt - "The SMACK!"
Still feeling a little restless from the night before, James quietly snuck out of the room. He wanted a quiet place to think. The door to Edward’s study creaked a bit as he pushed it open. He didn’t notice Gabriel’s father standing in front of the window until he was too far into the room to back out; Edward turned around and motioned him in.
“Sorry, Sir…I was just looking for a quiet place to sit for a moment, but I don’t want to disturb you…”
“It’s perfectly alright…come on in, son…I want to talk to you, anyway.”
James closed the door and slumped down on the sofa. “Yes, Sir?”
“What’s with this ‘Sir’ business? It’s Edward…or Dad, if you wish. I don’t mind. Are you close with your own father, James?”
“He passed away some time ago, but no, I wasn’t really close to him. I suppose you could say I was a disappointment to him…not the son he wanted.”
“He didn’t know you like I do, then. Don’t misunderstand me…I love both my sons, and Bryce, being the eldest, well…I had certain expectations for him, as Gabriel undoubtedly told you…and I love Bryce, but as a man, he is not as strong as Gabriel is. Bryce spends most of his free time in the bar at the country club, or chasing every available, or not so available skirt he can muster interest from. Gabriel has found you, and is settled, but you’re not breaking his spirit either, because you love it, and that’s the way it should be anyway. Now, many of the expectations, or perhaps it’s better to call them hopes, I am placing in Gabriel’s future…not because I want to burden him, or prove anything to myself or anyone else, but because I think he is smart enough and strong enough to handle them, especially with your support. And you…you’re a son to be proud of, James. You stood up to me that first day, didn’t take any bullshit, you’ve always been honest in words and intentions, and you’re a good man. What’s not to be proud of?”
“Thank you, Edward. I appreciate that kindness.”
“You know, I took Gabriel’s being gay pretty hard at first, I won’t lie to you…and not necessarily for the reasons you may think. But I saw it as him missing chances in his life, such as getting married and having a family, for instance. I was afraid one day he would look back and regret missing out on certain things, and it concerned me. Do you want kids?”
The question startled James. “Kids? Well, sure, I guess. I never thought too much about it, at least not outside of daydreams, I suppose. I never considered it an option for me, just as you didn’t for Gabriel.”
“Times have changed. People have changed. Let me know if you ever start thinking seriously about it. That’s all I’m saying…”
James gulped silently. This man wanted to see him and Gabriel with a family. This conservative, stubborn, autocratic man. And it was okay with him. It opened doors in James’ mind he never thought much about opening before.
“Was there something else you wanted to speak to me about, Edward?”
“Yes…yes, there is. That must have been a bit of a scuffle last night I missed.”
“Sir?”
“Gabriel’s cheek. It was quite red last night when you excused yourselves from the party.”
“Sir…please don’t think that I was the one…”
“Son, if I thought you were the one, you would barely be alive right now, let alone still in my house. No, it was that bastard, Todd. I knew it the minute I saw him leaving the party, sputtering and hissing like a pissed cat. I knew something had happened. Did you hit him good?”
“Well, I gave him a good backhand or two. He hit Gabriel. I wanted to kill him, to be honest.”
“Don’t worry, he’s been taken care of…”
“Sir?”
“What is with this continued ‘Sir’ crap? Just call me ‘Dad’ and be done with it…sure will make things a hell of a lot easier. He’s alive and well, in case you thought I had something done to him,” Edward laughed, “We’re wealthy businessmen, not gangsters. No, I hit him myself, so to speak, where it really hurts. I bought up a huge chunk of shares in his families company this morning. If I buy any more, I will have a controlling interest, and they know it. I don’t think they want that, so I am sure Todd will be no more trouble to either one of you again.”
James had to give Edward credit; he had a way of handling things that was downright cutthroat, but with incredible panache, at the same time. “Wow…uhh…Dad…I have to say, for lack of any other words, that is pretty awesome. Savage as hell, but awesome, just the same.”
“Just another day at the office. That’s how things are done here. Now…back to the matter at hand…how old are you, son?”
“Thirty-five…uhh…Dad…”
“The same age as Bryce. And Gabriel…he’s almost thirty. I know, he looks much younger…he gets that from his mother. But, as you have already most likely discovered for yourself, Gabriel, for his age, is a very sheltered, inexperienced lad when it comes to certain things. It’s my fault as much as anyone. But I worry about him, and after last night…James? Teach my son to fight.”
“I’m sorry…?”
“Okay, maybe fight isn’t the right word…but teach him how to defend himself, or at least do something to make sure you feel that he can…I don’t know…something…”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“You’re a smart young man, and you know Gabriel. You will figure something out.”
“Jesus…you want me to pick a fight with him and get him good and riled, and see how he handles it…”
“Well, that could work. I just want to make sure, and maybe you need to feel sure too, that he could defend himself if he ever had to. Can you do that?”
James laughed and ran his hands through his hair. “Yes, I can do that. I don’t like it, but I will do it…I will do it right now, and get it out of the way, so we have plenty of time to make up before the drive home tomorrow. I don’t want to be in the car with him if he’s pissed off. Jesus…he isn’t going to like me very much…”
“I would say he already likes you well enough,” chuckled Edward, “He’ll be fine. It’s in his best interest. Just promise me…”
“Edward, I won’t ever lay a hand on him that way, even under this circumstance. He will never have a reason to fear me.”
“Good. Just wanted to make sure we understood one another in that regard.”
“Okay…well, let me go find Gabriel, drag him upstairs, and piss him off. Will you please make sure Claire is in on this?”
“Already done. She trusts you to handle this.”
James laughed and grabbed the decanter on the table. “I need some fortitude,” he said as he poured himself a small bracer.
Edward laughed. “Good luck, son. What do they say now? You’re taking one for the team?”
“Something like that…except I have to live with the team afterward…”
Edward gave James a thumbs up as he left the room.
***
“But I thought we were going to the river today? James? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just have a headache. I feel like taking a walk outside. Are you coming or not?”
“Yes…okay…is it very cold outside?”
“What you have on is fine.”
Gabriel was wearing a blue and yellow rugby shirt, a garment James had never seen before; it must have been left behind with many of Gabriel’s other clothes in that huge closet of his. On the back of the shirt it said, ‘Moreau’ with a ‘1’ beneath it. Gabriel looked about twelve years old in it, and adorable.
“I didn’t know you played rugby.”
“Oh, I never did. I just had this put on the shirt. I thought it was kind of a cool idea at the time. It’s an old shirt and I was young…”
James looked at Gabriel through squinted eyes. “You added it? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Gabriel looked hurt for a second, then his eyes darkened a bit. “That’s it, Baby,” thought James to himself, “Get pissed.”
“James? What is wrong? Why are you being this way?”
“I told you, I have a headache. It’s probably from too much exposure to this whole damned environment…it’s stifling.”
“James, I don’t understand…you love coming up here on weekends…you have a good time…”
“You call getting trussed up in a tuxedo and pulling your old boyfriend off of you last night fun?”
“James…that’s not fair…”
“And those damned flowers…the white ones…what the hell are they called again?”
“…paperwhites…”
“Yes…that’s them…stupid ass name…well, they are potent as hell…the whole house reeks of the damn things. No wonder I have a headache…I need some air…smells like a damn funeral home…are you coming?”
James strode out of the room, Gabriel following, with a confused and hurt expression on his face. He didn’t understand what James’ problem was, but now he was attacking his home and things he held dear, and it was starting to really get him angry. Down the stairs and finally outside, James didn’t slow down until he was away from the house, in a clearing surrounded by maple trees; some of their colorful leaves were still clinging to the branches, and the cold ground below. Gabriel came up behind him and put his hand on James’ arm.
“James…what the HELL is wrong with you right now? You were fine an hour ago, and now this…this sour, nasty, bipolar bullshit way you are behaving…after you apologized this morning for your temper…now, Goddamnit…what the HELL is going on with you?”
He was getting REALLY pissed off, now. “Go on, Baby,” James thought, “bring out that fire and prove this one thing to me so I know you can take care of yourself, because I love you.”
“You know, Gabriel…I wouldn’t have had to smack the shit out of that worthless scamp of a boyfriend of yours if you had knocked him out yourself…how the hell did you ever get mixed up with that pasty-faced bastard, and why didn’t you fight him? Didn’t your father put you in some kind of organized sport or something when you were a kid…the kind where you had to occasionally throw a little fucker on the ground and whale the hell out of them?”
Gabriel was near tears. Why was James being like this? “I…I took archery and fencing…”
James snorted and rolled his eyes upward. “Archery? Fencing, for Christ’s sake? Typical…but didn’t you ever want to beat the crap out of anyone, Gabriel? At least once?”
“Well, right now, knocking you silly sounds pretty good…” Gabriel’s eyes had lost their blue and were almost as dark as James’ eyes now.
“Maybe you should…never learned how to do anything for yourself…posh bullshit of a life you’ve had…”
James looked at Gabriel. Yes, he was almost there. The fuse was about to blow.
“Well, where the hell did YOU grow up, James? Mr. Cushy-ass government job that you are way overpaid for…I suppose you grew up in some back street, ghetto neighborhood, where you belonged to a street gang…”
It was time. Gabriel had gotten up in James’ face and he was furious. Of course, what James wanted to do was throw Gabriel down and screw his brains out, he looked so sexy standing there all angry and riled with his hair blowing in his face…and the flush on that beautiful face, from anger and passion and the December air…but he had to finish this.
“Don’t ask ME about where, or how I grew up, with this ridiculously unreal life you lead…with your butler and your daddy’s Mercedes and your fucking feather pillows…pussy ass, spoiled rich boy…”
SMACK!
James knew it was coming but had gotten so caught up in his own wicked role play he got distracted. It may not have been the most perfect punch in the world, but the power in Gabriel’s fist was effective enough, if not commendable. He stumbled back a few steps, grabbing his jaw.
“Goddamn…”
Stunned, Gabriel’s eyes widened and simultaneously the color left his face as the blue returned to his eyes, now brimming with tears. James dropped to the ground and rolled onto his back. He would laugh if his jaw didn’t hurt so much.
“Oh, my God…James…Sweetheart!” Gabriel fell to the ground on top of James. “James…I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to…but you were so nasty and said such horrible things…do you want to hit me, now, James…to make it even?”
James began to laugh. Gabriel sat on top of him and tilted his head, confused. “James?”
“Well…at least I know you can defend yourself, if you need to…”
“What? This was a test? To see if I could fight someone, if necessary? Are you kidding me?”
James was still laughing…laughing at being so stupid to even agree to something like this…of course, Gabriel could defend himself…now he had to clean things up a bit. “Baby, let me explain…”
“Goddamnit, James! I was really furious with you! You made me hit you! Couldn’t you just fucking tell me you wanted to see if I could hit someone and let me haul off on you, instead? Why the drama lesson?”
“Because, Baby…you never would have hit me just to hit me…you needed to be angry enough you didn’t see ME in front of you anymore. You needed to be good and mad, have a reason to…just like if you had to do so in real life. It worked, didn’t it? To be honest, I’m surprised it did…you’re so smart, I can’t believe you didn’t figure it out several curse words ago.”
Gabriel pounded back and forth on James’s shoulders while James continued to laugh. “Because I never would have imagined you doing something so stupid in the first place, you jerkoff! Oh, my God…I can’t believe you did this! I am SO pissed at you, right now…”
“And I am SO in love with you, right now…”
Gabriel rolled off him and sat on the ground, arms folded, like a hurt child. “No, you’re not…you don’t love me…you hate everything about me…my shirt, my feather pillows, the way I grew up…you hate it all…” He sniffled back some tears.
“Oh, Christ…” James said under his breath. He pulled Gabriel into him, wrapped his legs and arms around Gabriel’s, resting his head on Gabriel’s shoulder, so he could speak softly into Gabriel’s ear.
“Baby…listen to me…Gabriel? I need you to listen to me now, because I am about to get as emotional as you, and that is rare, so listen…I love EVERYTHING about you…even the things that I don’t love that much, because they are all a part of you, and make you who you are…I love your feather pillows, and your pedigree, and your manners, and folding your napkin in your lap like you did that first day we met and had lunch in that diner…and I love your parents and your home here, and your mother’s paperwhites…they smell wonderful…and I love your obstinance and the fact you took archery and fencing…God, how I love that…and mostly I love that I know now, albeit a really bad experiment perpetuated by even worse judgment, that you have the ability to defend and take care of yourself, because I would die if anything ever happened to you…I feel as light as one of your pillows because I love you so much and I know you love me, and you’re right…it WAS a stupid thing to do…I won’t ever do anything so misleading again, especially now that I know how hard you can hit…and Gabriel…would you like to have kids one day? Because that’s how much I love you…”
“Well, you probably would have died today, had you kept this little charade of yours up…I can’t believe you did this…was my father in on it? Of course, he was…when we get back into the house, I will have a few things to say to him…I should have my fist ready for him, too…he deserves it…WAIT…did you just say you wanted to have kids? Sweetheart…did I really hit you that hard?”
“Yes, you really hit me that hard…that part was not an act…you pack quite a wallop, Angel Gabriel…but you didn’t knock anything loose up there because yes, I really said I want to have kids one day…”
“Umm…okay…if that would make you happy, Dearest…” James could feel Gabriel’s body relax into his. Gabriel still loved and trusted him. “James? Sweetheart? Should we get some ice for your face, now? Does it hurt?”
“Yeah…it hurts a little…”
“Good. Serves your ass right for this ridiculous tableau.” Gabriel stood up, James right behind him. He hugged Gabriel close, bit his ear playfully, and started kissing the spot on his neck that brought instant forgiveness.
“I love you so fucking much. There could never be enough words, or hours, or gestures, for me to express it.”
“I…I’m sorry I hit you, James. I never would do that, you know…not under normal circumstances...”
“Of course, I know you wouldn’t…that is why I had to create extraordinary circumstances instead. And I am sorry, too. I put you in a difficult position, backed you into a corner, but I needed to know you could come out fighting. I’ll always worry about you, but now I know I don’t have to, if that makes any sense."
“I guess I am kind of a sissy, James…I have been doing an awful lot of crying the last few days.”
“You’re not a sissy, Gabriel; you’re an emotional person…you always have been. You are ruled by your emotions, and you cry because you are in touch with them much more than most of us…and if you’ve done a lot of crying the last few days it’s because you’ve been subject to an awful lot of bullying these last few days, too…your emotions are on overload, and some of that…a LOT of that, is my own damned fault. We need to get you back to a peaceful place again…are you tired? Would you like to take our trip to the river, or would you prefer to just go upstairs, shut out the entire world, and sleep until you are happy again?”
“I’m not tired…I mean I am, but not enough to sleep just yet. I want to go to our special place first. Then we can go back home and sleep.” Gabriel was conscious of James gently rocking him back and forth. He hated feeling like he needed him so much; not only was James the man he loved, but he was his best friend. That was a lot of trust and love to put into the same person, because if you ever lost one, you lost the other…it scared him more than anything on earth to know he was giving into his emotions, giving up control, and allowing himself to need someone so much…and yet, he couldn’t help himself.
“I love you, James…” He turned and wrapped his arms around James’ neck tightly, inhaling his scent…that mixture of soap, deodorant, fabric softener…all the scents that made James…James. To Gabriel, it was the most comforting smell in the world.
“I love you, too. Now, let’s get your sissy ass inside and get cleaned up so we can go to the river. I’ll report to your father that all is well.”
Gabriel looked up at James, shot him his patented look and blew the hair out of his face, but his eyes were smiling.
“Good…you do that…and you tell him we are taking his car…and tell him I said we are deliberately going to get mud on the Goddamned thing…”
James threw his head back and laughed. “He insists I call him ‘Dad’ now…”
“Jesus Christ…he’s adopted you…and speaking of…you want kids…you never mentioned that before…what world did I wake up in this morning…what the hell did I miss? What the hell has been happening the last few days?”
“It’s called living, Baby…and we’re doing it…”
