“My life didn’t please me, so I created my life.” - Coco Chanel
I stumbled across this on IG, and at first, was reticent to post it, because at first glance, it could be viewed or interpreted the wrong way. Then I thought on it again, and decided I loved the honesty of it. You know, when I began writing "Lost Souls" in 2016, I ended up going on a journey of my own that was unexpected but one that turned out to be perhaps the most important of my life. James and Gabriel, through their story, taught me so much about myself; as they evolved as characters, and people, so did I. Their story, and the book itself, is just as much about open-mindedness as it is about love, which makes perfect sense, since I believe one has to exist to have the other. Gabriel's hesitancy to trust did not stop him from letting James in, once he knew he could trust him. James didn't let falling in love with the son and heir to one of the wealthiest and most respected families in Philadelphia prevent him from opening his eyes to literally, a different world, filled with different people; once in, he discovered it was not as dissimilar as he imagined, but fun and exciting, and in it, he ended up finding his own place in the world, without losing touch with his roots. Gabriel, following his heart, was not afraid to follow James to Frederick, when he also experienced an entirely different world devoid of servants and titles and expectations. Differences in background or life experience don't hinder their love or their future; in fact, it brings them closer, because their personalities and mindsets share the same plane, and that's what really counts. Opposites don't work in the long term; never have, never will. Solid foundations of similarity...that's what lasts. And whenever the two are faced with a crisis or obstacle, they rally together and never leave the others' side. In writing, I didn't let growing up in small town America, or still living here, for that matter, prevent me from taking the chance to write about people, surroundings, or experiences that I personally have never encountered; I've never been to Philadelphia, but I researched for hours details, right down to the little pizza place in Bryn Mawr Gabriel's family favors and calls in takeout from. I started teaching myself French, a life goal anyway, so I could be fluent enough to write it into the series of books. I CREATED people; just about the only detail I didn’t give them were social security numbers. Where would Gabriel's family patron...the Philadelphia Ballet? The Academy of Music? Which hospital would a family like theirs be most likely to donate money (and a wing) to? What was Gabriel's favorite delicatessen (Hershel's) to order James a turkey club from, and was it within walking distance to the office building with his last name on the marquee? What kind of architecture did the upscale neighborhood of Bryn Mawr and surrounding neighborhoods contain? What were street names? TONS of minute details, but they matter, just like in real life. I may not have the funds or ability to travel to the places I write, and will end up writing, into these books, but that doesn't prevent me from being a mental traveler, and learning as much as I can about these places, and the world in general. You should never let where you start, or where you are at the moment, determine how far you and your imagination can go. I've never been the kind of person to place limits on myself; I've often said it, and others have too, that I am the most ambitious person they know; I can accomplish more in a weekend than many do in a whole week, because I just DO. I don't quit, ever. So, James and Gabriel, and their love, taught me that, as idyllic as it is (theirs IS a love story, after all), they do face problems, challenges, and work through them, without losing either themselves (SO important) or each other.
No one should be afraid of being obsessed about upgrading their life, wanting more, wanting the best, and expecting the most out of the people they love. If you settle, you will never be truly content or happy. You don't thrive when you settle. You only exist, and that shouldn’t be enough. I didn’t let a heart attack keep me from being back on the treadmill at full throttle less than two months later. I don’t let living in rural Pennsylvania prevent me from wearing shirts to the office every day that I order from London. I don’t let being well...not from one of the wealthiest families in Philly, prevent me from driving my little fleet of Mercedes. Sure, they’re older, but they are always clean and polished, and I drive them proudly. Like characters in my books, I, over the years, created myself. Coco Chanel once said, “My life didn’t please me, so I created my life.” And so, I did. I poured myself into skin that suited me…then I toned the body, and dressed it well. I’m arguably the most genuine person you will ever meet, because in creating myself as I wanted to be, I became the truest, most honest version of ME. It takes guts to go against the grain, to be a little different, to have the audacity to ask for, and then work to achieve more. Had I not been brave enough, I would never have created James and Gabriel, my truest heart-friends, and greatest love story. Through them, I feel loved and wanted. Through my writing, I feel liberated, and through that liberation, I feel completely comfortable with the person I have become. It’s been a wonderful ride, and I wouldn’t change a damned thing. At the stage I am at in my life, the things I have lived through, experiences gained, knowledge obtained, my value and worth as a person, and what I bring to the table…because not only did I buy the damned table, but the house it sits in…the only compromise I should have to make in my life at this point is “platinum or yellow gold”…and since both look equally good with my skin tone, and Tiffany’s sells both (that was researched for the books, too) then even that really isn’t even a compromise now, is it?
So, don’t be afraid to get a little obsessed with upgrading your life. God…you only get one turn around the carousel…may as well make it the best you can make it. Don’t settle. Be obsessed. Take chances. Fall into different experiences. Fall in love…and then go where that love leads you. Above everything else, fall in love with yourself first; fall in love with your own possibilities, and in everything you do, do it with dignity, poise, and grace.