The Sigma Personality: “Fifty Shades” and “Lost Souls” - A Character Study…
The Socio-Sexual Hierarchy is a pyramidal structure on personality types, their places in society, and their relationship to one another. It’s a fascinating thing to research, and for a writer, essential in establishing and nurturing their characters so they are believable and real. I will be doing a separate blog on this hierarchy, as I find it too interesting of a topic not to go into greater depth. The hierarchy is as follows: Alpha, (Sigma), Beta, Delta, Gamma, Omega. This hierarchy is usually attributed to males, but females follow the same hierarchy and traits as their male counterparts.
The Sigma is equal to the Alpha personality in the hierarchy, with a few differences. The main difference is that while an Alpha seeks validation from others, the Sigma needs no outside validation. They have the inner confidence the Alpha lacks; the Alpha needs to have the adoration and attention of the crowd to reinforce their place in the hierarchy, and their confidence. The Sigma’s confidence in innate, so they have no desire to be the center of attention, gain the following of others, or conform to societal norms. They are often described as the “lone wolf” among Alphas. Sigmas are usually strong-willed, even stubborn, have very strong feelings or opinions, and are incredibly self-aware, as they spend more of their time alone; they are in touch with their feelings more then most people, even if they have difficulty expressing them outwardly to others.
I began writing “Lost Souls” in 2016 and finally finished the book at the end of December 2021. A Sigma personality myself, I wanted the main characters, James and Gabriel, to both be Sigma males, but with different strengths and weaknesses, so they could both compliment and rely on one another. For a personality as self-reliant as a Sigma, one thing that is imperative in making a good relationship is the ability to recognize their own weaknesses and allow themselves to be reliant on their partner when necessary. That is true for any personality type, but especially important (and difficult) for Sigmas to achieve. In “Lost Souls,” James would be considered the more dominant of the two in the relationship, yet Gabriel is by no means submissive to him; he is very strong-willed and independent, exhibiting his own form of dominance that not only attracts James to him, but gains his respect very quickly. While it seems that Gabriel is the more reliant of the two in the relationship, as the book, and characters develop, we see how James can be more passive, so to speak, and open to allowing Gabriel to lead him through some of his own struggles. The two compliment, rather than compete with one another. They learn early on that communication is key, and make a point to be honest, work out problems, and come to mutual understandings to preserve their happiness. In the end, even though they fear they are drifting apart, Gabriel, who begins the story as appearing to be the more passive of the two, is the one who finds a clever way to bring them back together onto the same page.
When I watched the “Fifty Shades” movies, I was immediately connected to them, for many reasons. I completely identified with both Ana and Christian, and realized it was because I was watching two Sigmas on the screen who, in many ways, and unintentionally, bore a strong resemblance to James and Gabriel. Keep in mind, I had not read the books, and I did not watch the films until long after my own story of James and Gabriel was finished. I was delighted to screen these films and enjoyed the character dynamics, as in a way, it was like watching my own book’s story unfold in front of me, regarding the characters, and how they interact with one another.
Just as with James and Gabriel, there is an instant attraction between Christian and Ana, albeit they aren’t vocal about it right away, a Sigma trait. Christian, to many, may appear to be an Alpha male because of his success, and need to dominate in both his professional and personal life. However, his quiet, reclusive nature, inner confidence that is fed from no external influences, and mysterious charisma screams Sigma male. Likewise, Ana herself, although reserved, quiet, and literally, bookish, is no pushover; she knows who she is, who she isn’t, and who she doesn’t want to be. There are several scenes in the film that exhibit this, but none such as the wonderfully fun and amusing scene when she insists on calling a formal business meeting to discuss the terms of Christian’s “contract,” to which she demands several changes, before she agrees to the terms. She is willing to be the “submissive,” but only on her own terms, and those terms are non-negotiable. That is VERY Sigma. Her title of “submissive” does not define her in any way she doesn’t want to be defined. Christian, intrigued, amused, and attracted to this willful woman, immediately and even enthusiastically agrees to her terms. For him, the end justifies the means, and already in love with Ana (whether he admits it this soon or not) his desire to have her for his own allows him to become submissive to HER. Throughout the series of films, we see time and again how Ana exerts her willful independence, despite being submissive to Christian in the “playroom.” She is even willing to break things off with him and return to her life as it was, such is her need to retain her independence and identity. This continues through all three films; her need to retain some independence, and Christian’s need to retain a degree of control over her. This power struggle between them is the main story conflict, but also the necessary “butting heads” behavior that teaches them to compromise and work as a team. In fact, if you research the whole context of dominance and submission in sexual terms, it is well known that the submissive is actually the one in control, as they are the one who is responsible for the pleasure of the dominant; while the dominant may give pleasure to the submissive partner, it is the submissive partner who has the control to say “no,” set the boundaries, and bring the dominant to heel. Therefore Ana, who is as much a Sigma as Christian, can allow herself to take on the submissive role in the relationship. Two interesting things unfold during their relationship; trust, which is a big pitfall for Sigma personalities, begins to form, and as the trust forms, Ana allows Christian to be more intense with her, and finally she comes to enjoy it enough to initiate their sex-play. At the same time, Christian, who has sworn off things like love and relationships, finds himself unable to control his own feelings and crawls out of his own Sigma shell quite willingly, conforming to Ana’s ideals of a relationship, because he realizes he would rather compromise and conform than lose her, as a mutual dependency has formed. It’s both heartwarming and healthy. In the end, they find a way to make what would be considered an unconventional relationship by many, work for them, and work well.
When writing “Lost Souls” and developing James and Gabriel, I wrote a lot of myself into both. As a writer, that is something you do; inspired by not only your own personality but the personalities of others you have known, both past and present, you form characters that are believable and real. I have often said there is a lot of myself in both James and Gabriel, and it is so very true. James is passionate, confident, but quiet and keeps his feelings on the inside most of the time. Gabriel is strong-willed, independent, and has a child-like side to him that is endearing to James. The more emotional of the two, James finds himself able to express his own emotions easier, and more often. Through James’ passion, Gabriel is able to tap into an inner passion of his own he was unaware he had. Just as with Ana and Christian, as the relationship between James and Gabriel evolves, so does the trust; when the story begins, James is the dominant partner in the intimate part of the relationship; he’s the initiator. As the trust forms, Gabriel, woken up by James’ passion, begins exerting his own forms of dominance behind closed doors, and James, finding that he likes relinquishing a little of his life-control, allows and enjoys it. The best relationships are the ones where each person is strong and independent and self-reliant, but permits themselves to be reliant on their partner, and come to an understanding of one another’s strengths, weaknesses, and how to compensate for them in healthy ways.
I have always loved strong people. Weak people have little attraction to me; survivors are sexy. A few of my favorite literary couples who have very strong, Sigma-like personalities are Rhett and Scarlett from “Gone with the Wind” and Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth in “Pride and Prejudice.”
All four of these characters exhibit classic Sigma personality traits. They are “loners” who do not subscribe to societal norms. Rhett Butler, though he comes from a respectable family, is viewed as an outcast by society because of his refusal to conform. He seeks, nor needs the approval of others, so he is seen as scandalous. He meets his match in Scarlett, who herself finds difficulty fitting into the mold she has been forcibly cast. She thinks most women are silly, and most men, for that matter. Attractive and vivacious, men swarm around her. This in itself is more of an Alpha trait, but she doesn’t try to surround herself with people for her own ego; her goal is to make her love interest Ashley aware of her presence, and want her, too. When they want something badly enough, subtle manipulation, although not harmful to others or ill-intended, is a Sigma trait. She plays the game she needs to play on the surface, but as conflict enters her life and her world is turned upside down overnight, her survival instincts kick in and she determines to power through, at any cost. She is a natural leader but has compassion and empathy for those she cares about, and throughout the book, many of her decisions and survival instincts are for the good of the family and friends she loves and feels she must protect. Alpha personalities are not empathetic towards others; they are more self-serving and if they are in a protective role over others, they don’t encourage those around them to be strong; they prefer them to be dependent or submissive to them. Scarlett, on the other hand, is constantly trying to get the people around her to be stronger, more independent and self-reliant. Her idyllic love for childhood crush Ashley is tested when she begins to see the cracks in what she thought was a perfect façade, and she slowly realizes he is not one of the survivors, but a weak person incapable of adapting completely to the world that has changed around him. It takes her a long time to see it; her love for him continues to allow her to make excuses for his shortcomings, but finally, she must face the truth, and when she does, it is then that she finally comes to realize it was Rhett she loved all along, as he is the other side to her coin.
A series of misunderstandings propels Lizzie and Mr. Darcy both toward and away from each other throughout their story. Darcy, who appears pompous and aloof, is really just socially awkward and introverted; completely capable, he nevertheless does not enjoy being in social situations, especially ones where he is the center of attention, as his station seems to demand most of the time. Elizabeth, although introverted, is much less shy, and mistakes Darcy’s awkward shyness for snobbishness. Both have fire; Lizzie’s is more visible, and is displayed by her outspokenness and independent way of thinking, which is neither normal nor encouraged in the world she lives in. Darcy’s fire is deeper, and he is attracted to Lizzie because she brings out in him his own inner fire. Both stubborn individuals, they mistake their attraction and passion for incompatibility and adversity. They too eventually realize what they thought were differences are actually similarities, and once realized, can focus on the love and happiness they bring to one another.
So, the moral to all these stories? While there may be some truth to the old adage “opposites attract,” it isn’t the best pairing of individuals for long term success in a relationship. In order to find, and have true harmony, the two people have to be of a similar mind, and their personalities are best suited to one that is similar and relatable to them. The most sparks come from a long, slow burning fire, not one that ignites, burns bright for a short time, then dies out from lack of fuel.
If you enjoyed reading this and are as interested in learning more about the different personalities as I am, stay tuned for my next blog which will explore in more detail the six different personalities of the Socio-Sexual Hierarchy.