Some of my posts will be more personal in nature than
others…this one is probably one of the most personal, fueled by my own life
experiences, and the lessons I learned along the way. Although my own journey may be unique in
certain ways, I believe many of us have, or at some point will travel a similar
path, and thus will be able to relate. I
hope you, the reader, will enjoy the post, and perhaps take something away with
you, or be able to sit back and nod and say to yourself, “Wow…I’ve been there,
too…” This post is dedicated to Andy who
unknowingly, set my feet on a path of self-discovery that made me the person I
am today.
Be Your Own Superhero…
Being a superhero means different things to different
people, and most of the time they do not wear capes. People conquer heroic feats every day,
perhaps without even knowing it, or thinking about it. Others may help us along the way, but one’s
inner strength is the key; if you can find that power and harness it, there is
little that can stop you. The greatest
superpower we can possess is the power of survival. Become confident with that power, and you
will be strong enough to save yourself and help the ones you love fight,
too.
My journey to true maturity and adulthood didn’t begin
until I was almost thirty years old.
That is when my real education began.
I had always been an independent person; even as a child, I was content
to occupy my own time. I always had a
mind of my own, was never easily led, and expressed my opinions. Rough, awkward years during my teens forced
me into a protective shell, and I became more withdrawn and quiet, but my independent
nature was still there, waiting for a time when I felt more confident to let it
out again. Fast forward to my early
twenties; I met the person who was to have the greatest impact on my life. Andy came along at a time when I, like most
young people, was teetering on the brink of adulthood. You’re no longer a teenager, but not quite
yet a fully rounded adult, either. You’re
still learning. You’re still making some
of those “first time” mistakes. You’re
still discovering who you are. We all go
through it. Andy was that person who
believed in me, had confidence and trust in me, and who gave me the courage to
venture back out of that shell and learn about myself again. All of that was wonderful, except for one
problem…along the way my inner strength was never fully developed, because it
wasn’t needed. I had someone on my side,
protecting me, fighting for me, and taking care of things. Oh, I was still independent and outspoken…I
never lost that…but I fell victim to what many of us fall victim too, which is
complacency. It was my first
relationship, and although I always had a strong sense of self, in many ways I
also became defined by the relationship.
When you are part of an “us,” it’s not hard to lose a little, or a lot,
of the “you.” With someone by your side
to carry life’s load, you shift parts of that load and work as a team, each
person naturally gravitating toward the responsibilities they are more capable
of, or best suited for. Become too
complacent, and you may find one day that you are faced with the knowledge that
you are not as independent and strong as you thought.
One day, after almost eight years of sharing a life
together, relying on one another, and growing complacent in the idea that
things would not be changing anytime soon…Andy was gone, and everything changed
overnight. Until then, my life had been
balanced and secure; it had an even tenor to it, and even when we hit bumps
along the way, it re-stabilized quickly.
I was ill prepared for the next chapter of my life. I was too scared and uncertain to feel like I
was anything but a helpless victim. I
wasn’t ready to become my own superhero.
Those first few years were the hardest. I was thirty years old and didn’t even know
how, or where to go to pay the electric bill.
Andy had always taken care of those things. It wasn’t because I was incapable or didn’t
want to, but because his greatest feeling of self-worth came from taking care
of me, so I let him. I was devastated not
only emotionally, but also financially.
I was trying to recover from not having Andy in my life anymore and
trying to find a way to survive on my own for the first time in my adult
life. I had never lived on my own, had
never had the financial responsibilities I was now faced with on my own, and
all of this uncertainty was petrifying; not having my soul mate next to me to
calm or soothe me, or help me through those times was almost more than I could
bear. Yet the survivalist instinct was
strong within me, and even though I didn’t know what I was doing, I just
pressed on. As I overcame one obstacle,
I would gain more confidence, and feel strong enough to tackle the next. As the years passed, I remained single…not by
choice, but because the right person never came along…or at least the few I
truly felt could have been the “Mr. Right” came along, but never stuck around. Disappointed,
I began focusing more on taking care of myself, enjoying the feeling of
accomplishment and stability it gave me.
Suddenly, only very recently in fact, I discovered my superpowers…independence
and survival. They had always been
there, but like any superpower, you don’t know you have it until you have a
reason to use it.
I have not had Andy in my life now for almost seventeen
years. Somewhere along the way, gradually…even unconsciously…I earned my cape…or
at least, the superhero logo T-shirt. Is
my superpower unique? Not at all. In fact, we all have that same superpower
inside of us. It’s there, ready to be
tapped into, honed, and mastered. Once
you do…once you realize you are much more capable and strong than you ever
thought possible…well, it’s the greatest feeling in the world. So what’s the moral to this story? What do I hope you will take away with you,
by sharing my own experience? It’s
simple; life can change, in the blink of an eye. Your complacent world can be turned upside
down suddenly, and without warning.
Hopefully, it won’t…but we all know life doesn’t work that way, and at
some point, probably more than once, we will be thrown a crisis we have to
overcome, an enemy we have to defeat…run into a brick wall we need to fly over…something. When that happens, make sure you remember you
have the superpower of survival within you to vanquish whatever foe you are
faced with. Having people on your side
who love and support you helps immeasurably, of course…but the real power is
inside of you. Make sure you remember
you have it, and that you can take care of yourself. So tie on that imaginary cape. Put on that T-shirt with the superhero logo.
Go forth and conquer. Be your own
superhero…
