Bonjour!
Welcome to the inaugural post for “Musings – This and
That…” Just a little preamble…
I gave a lot of thought to what I wanted the first blog topic to be. I wanted it to be something that all of us
can relate to, and my wish is to somehow make future posts relevant to as broad
of an audience as possible. Whilst the
subject of a future blog post may not be of particular interest to everyone all
of the time, I hope to write them in such a way that you may find them
enjoyable to read, regardless the topic.
Who knows…perhaps it turns you onto an interest of subject you never
previously thought you would be keen to, and that could be fun! Some posts may be light and humorous, others
may have a more serious tone and promote deeper thought, but I do hope I can
always try and make them relevant and unique in some way. Please bear with me as the page itself may
continue to be tweaked a bit; I’m much more adept at writing the blog posts
then I am at constructing the page on which they reside. However, I was excited to roll this out, and
the content itself is the most important thing, so the fine tuning can occur as
needed. So back to the subject of this
first post…I wanted to touch on something that would be of interest and relevance
to all of us, regardless of our gender, occupation, age, relationship status, or
individual personality. So let’s talk
about something that we all share…
“Value”
Do you know your value?
Have you ever given it deep thought?
Do you feel that others know your value, and treat you accordingly?
Everything has value, of one form or another. The value we place on one another as people,
and how we show it, is the greatest of all values. We like…we love…we do it all our lives. Nothing is more powerful, or wonderful, than
the love we have for others...our friends, our families…the people we take into
our hearts and lives. This kinship is
one of the things that help us validate our own lives, what makes us feel
whole, and fulfilled. It’s a very
naturally occurring, almost automatic process we go through as people drift in
or out of our lives over the years.
Because of this, I have often wondered if, in the midst of this
otherwise seamless process, do we as individuals lose sight of our own
value? That is to say, do we get so
focused on how others feel about us, and making sure we do right by them, that
we neglect the fact that sometimes, people do not reciprocate the same kind of
feelings, and treat us with the same kind of value that we hold for them? Intriguing question to ponder, isn’t it?
We have all witnessed at one time or another from an
objective viewpoint, a situation when someone’s value was taken for granted,
and upon seeing this behavior, we may have thought to ourselves, “That person
doesn’t treat so-and-so the way they deserve to be treated…if that were me, I
would stand up for myself and have something to say to that person.” It’s easy to see this from an “outside
looking in” perspective, but not always as easy to see it when we are the
object of a lack of value. We often
forgive, brush off, or choose not to think about the possibility that someone
we care for may not be caring for us in return to the same capacity…because we
care about that person…so we excuse it.
We do it once, then again, and yet again…it can be little things, or so
we feel at the time, so we try not to dwell on it. But, at what point do we decide to love and value
ourselves enough to stop excusing the actions of others, even if we do care for
them? When we are young, we are taught
certain values…there is that word again…and one of the things we are taught is
to forgive and forget, especially those closest to us, because we want to be
“the better person.” Whilst I do believe
this is one of the most important life lessons we can be taught, I also believe
that we should not lose sight of our own self worth in the process. Of course we should live by the “Golden
Rule”…but not at the expense of our own happiness. We shouldn’t be afraid to expect, and even
demand if necessary, the same kind of respect and value that we place on
others…and never should this be more rigidly enforced than with the ones
closest to us, for the people we love the most should never want to devalue or
treat us with less regard in the first place; we should be receiving the most
love, respect, and value from the ones we are closest to…if we are not, we
should not be afraid to love ourselves enough to take a stand, put our foot
down, bang our fist on the table, and demand our value. If we were selling an antique and someone
offered us very little for it, even though they knew its true value, we would
not accept it; we would politely shake our head and tell them, “no.” So why can we not do this with ourselves…with
OUR value? What about that is wrong, and
why are we at times so afraid to put our foot down? Because we are taught that we should love
unconditionally, it seems blasphemous to place conditions on the way we are
treated and loved, but perhaps, for lack of a better word, we should place conditions on love, with
regard to how we give and receive it.
Unfortunately, not everyone actually lives by the Golden Rule, and
sometimes, if we love ourselves enough, we need to apply the Golden Rule to US
first, and THEN to those in our lives who are not living by it. I know, I sound horribly cold and selfish,
don’t I? Or do I?
I don’t believe it’s wrong, or selfish, to make sure your
own heart is healthy and cared for. It
takes a strong person to stand up for their own self when they know they are
being treated with a lack of value. Sometimes,
it’s as simple as speaking up and demanding respect. Other times, it may require cutting a toxic
person out of your life. It could be
temporary, or it could be permanent, depending on how receptive a person is to
your wish for better treatment, and how much they really care about you. The hardest thing in the world is to separate
yourself from a person who doesn’t treat you well, when that person holds a piece
of your heart, and your life. Many
people choose not to, for the sake of keeping that person around; letting go of
someone, even a toxic person, can be painful.
But it can be even more painful in the long term, to allow someone, even
someone you love, to disrespect your heart and its value. So, what do you do?
Each one of us is so very different from the other; each of us has a different
threshold of tolerance. I suppose in the
end, there really isn’t one definitive right or wrong answer when it comes to
matters of the heart. One thing is true,
however; we all owe it to ourselves to take care of our own heart first, so we
can care for others properly. Find out
what your threshold is; ask yourself how much you are willing to give, within
reason, to others who may not quite appreciate your value at times. When
entering into a new friendship or relationship, give openly, with a smile, but
make sure you are truly receiving the same genuine behavior in return. Make sure, right from the beginning, you are
being given worthy treatment of your value, and that you are being conscious
about doing the same. Remember…the
people in our lives we care about ARE very important, but your own well-being
and value are just as important. Love
yourself as much as you love others. Now
go out there and have a great day! Be
awesome!
Adieu,
JPD
